The Toxic Dating Trend of “Benching” and Women Over 40 Who Are Childfree

Dating in the modern era can be tricky, and for women over 40 who are childfree, it often feels like navigating a minefield. One particularly toxic dating trend making waves is “benching.” Unlike ghosting, where someone disappears completely, benching is the art of stringing someone along—keeping them just interested enough to stay on the sidelines without giving them the attention or commitment they deserve.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re part of someone’s “roster” but never quite make it into the starting lineup, you’ve likely been benched. Let’s unpack this troubling trend and discuss how childfree women over 40 can spot it and reclaim their time and self-worth.

What is Benching, Exactly?

Benching is essentially emotional breadcrumbing. The bencher keeps you in their life through sporadic texts, flirty comments, or last-minute date invitations. However, they never truly invest in the relationship. They’re hedging their bets—keeping you as a backup while they pursue other options.

For childfree women over 40, this can feel particularly infuriating. You’ve likely spent years cultivating independence, knowing your worth, and defining your priorities. Being benched undermines all that by making you question your value.

Why Are Women Over 40 Targets for Benching?

While benching can happen to anyone, it often preys on people perceived as “less likely to walk away.” Sadly, society still stereotypes women over 40—especially those without kids—as desperate or overly eager for attention, making them ripe targets for this toxic behavior.

However, let’s bust that myth: Childfree women over 40 are among the most confident and self-assured individuals out there. But even the strongest person can fall into the trap of being benched, especially if the bencher is skilled at manipulating emotions.

How to Spot Benching in Your Dating Life

1. Inconsistent Communication: They text or call just enough to stay in your life but never consistently.
2. Last-Minute Plans: They only ask to see you when it’s convenient for them, often without much notice.
3. Excuses Over Actions: They’re full of promises but never follow through with meaningful gestures.
4. Emotional Minimalism: They avoid deep conversations about your relationship or future, keeping things surface-level.
5. FOMO Tactics: They drop hints about their busy dating life or other options, creating a fear of missing out.

How to Handle Benching Like a Pro

1. Recognize the Signs: If it feels like you’re being benched, trust your instincts.
2. Set Boundaries: Politely but firmly communicate your expectations. If they can’t meet them, it’s time to walk away.
3. Don’t Take It Personally: Benching says more about the bencher’s immaturity than about your worth.
4. Focus on Self-Love: Use your time to invest in hobbies, travel, or friendships that bring you joy.
5. Expand Your Options: Don’t wait around for one person. If you’re dating, explore other connections that value your time and energy.

Reclaim Your Power

Being benched can be a painful experience, but it’s also a chance to reaffirm your worth. As a childfree woman over 40, you’ve likely embraced a life of independence, ambition, and self-discovery. Don’t let someone reduce you to a backup plan. You’re the whole package—find someone who sees that.

Ready to ditch toxic dating trends and step into your power? Check out our curated list of books on self-confidence and relationships or join our online community of fabulous, childfree women over 40.

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